Most Nigerian men don’t have a clue about foreplay, unless they have in some way been influenced by the western world. Sex involves nothing but an eagerness for penetration, an uncontrollable desire that commands immediate attention here and now. What happened to the tease? The slow and steady build up of longing and emotion. The gentle whimpers that hide shouts of want, begging to be unleashed, but holding back for as long as possible.
Are Nigerian men romantic, in the physical sense of the word? I dare say they aren’t, and maybe its because we say nothing about it that we stay in relationships where we are not satisfied. We don’t tell our men what we want; somehow we seem to just expect that they would know better. So we accept mediocrity in the hope that one day a better option would appear. The argument is not that the westerners have gotten it right and that Nigerians haven’t. This is no argument at all; in this scenario, it is a fact. It goes without saying that these issues should be within the confines of a well decorated marriage bed, but nevertheless if the women within their wedding parameters find it difficult to speak, I will.
I am a married woman with certain needs and expectations, which I am careful to impart on to my husband. If there is no communication, there will be evident gaps in the relationship. Issues about sex and foreplay are viewed as a taboo in this part of the world, which is probably why a lot of marriages are not happy ones. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is a form of expression that connects two people in a way that is different from any other type of bond. I have friends who say they are happily married, yet they go outside to seek sexual satisfaction, instead of simply speaking to their husbands about their needs. The level of promiscuity on the side of women is increasing at a pace that has never been seen before; with the die hard mentality of enduring to the end in the marriage, yet refusing to communicate about issues they have on their mind. If you don’t speak to your husband, who will? Talk about foreplay, or else like play like play, you will lose your man.